Monday, August 15, 2011

Check One, Two, Three, Four, Niner

Dear All One of You Who is Faithfully (or Not-so Faithfully) Following Me:
[Scene: The sound of a woman clearing her throat, followed by a pause, followed by the sound of someone passing gas (because face it, that's always funny), followed by the woman asking, “Is this thing even on?”] 
I need to read something dramatically genuine. A dear friend of mine and I are going to once again enter The Missouri Review’s audio contest (check out: Last year we got our shit together way too late and felt fortunate just to submit something.
This year we have the freedom of more time before the deadline (typically in March), but I’m still fretting about my voice. Does anyone like the sound of their own voice? Keep in mind, I’m talking about reading, not singing. Because my singing voice is like a songbird. (Imagine the screech of a one-winged seagull circling a landfill.) 
Maybe I’m over-thinking it, but if you happen to have a flair for the dramatic, and have any advice, please go ahead and belt it out from your shower now. Trust me, I’m listening. 
In the meantime, I’ll get back to doing what my dear friend suggested: gargling whiskey. I mean, practicing. 
The Notecracker 

I only want to sound (and dress) like her in the shower.

1 comment:

  1. I like the first scene here. I'm totally hooked already. My mind started spinning with all the things that she could be doing, in regards to "is this thing even on?" Is she trying to light a smoke on the electric stove? Getting ready to call a bingo game? That would make sense with the farts. Is she making some sort of joke about her husband's flaccid member? It's great, so far.