I admit, I try not to take things too seriously, and when I sit down to write (kneeling hurts my knees), I’m often beckoned by funny. I’ve never been much of a fan of the NFL either, or with the exception of baseball, pro sports in general.
Until maybe, well, right fucking now. I might just become a Patriots fan. Or buy a Cavaliers jersey. Number twenty-three to be specific.
Sitting down during the national anthem. Kneeling in front of the American flag. Boycotting the NFL for that? Pay no attention to, oh, the “little matters” of, um, domestic violence and sexual assault.
Are you fucking kidding me?
(Sorry, that’s twice. Honestly, I do try my best not to curse when making a point—it’s a lazy route—but what the hell, I’m going to get my fuck-fuck-fuckety-fucking-fucks out there, loud and clear. Because Freedom of Mother Fucking Speech, y’all.)
Without a single f-bomb, my point is, talk about misplaced outrage. You want a list of what outrages me? No? Well, sorry, this is my blog, so you’re going to get one anyway. Because as I mentioned mere sentences ago, Freedom of Mother Fucking Speech, y’all.
- Confederate flags: anyplace, anytime, anywhere. On homes, t-shirts, businesses, from the back of pickup trucks. If I have to put up with people waving that piece of shit around, then I guess you’ll have to suck it up and deal with folks kneeling in front of your precious American flag. (Btw, you do realize that Confederates—American flag be damned—wanted to secede from the United States of America?)
- The slogan “Make America Great Again.” Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Pause for a moment and reflect on that statement. Screams pure patriotism, doesn't it?
- Individuals who have their panties in an unbelievable, blood-boiling, hernia-producing bunch over so-called disrespect of the American flag, but they willingly chose to “take a knee” in the last Presidential election.
- Those stupid red hats that say “Make America Great Again.” First of all, certain folks just can't pull off baseball caps, especially ones that look like somebody’s alcoholic, blind and highly arthritic great grandpappy made them. (Oh, wow, that was perhaps uncalled for, but ... Freedom of Mother Fucking Speech, y’all.) Secondly, this.
- “I like people who weren’t captured.” It isn’t very often that I agree with Sen. McCain’s politics, but I’ll never forget this comment from none other than our current POTUS, ardent supporter of U.S. Veterans everywhere and suddenly the GREATEST, HUGEST defender of our American flag.
- Philando Castile's murder. I’m using him and the complete lack of justice in his case as just one example of the murdering of unarmed black men in America, which btw, is why this whole “take a knee” movement began in the first place. It is not about disrespecting America or the U.S. military. You want to disrespect America? Ban immigration when you’re a nation of immigrants. You want to disrespect the U.S. military? Denigrate a POW.
- Calling white supremacists “very fine people.”
- Violent protests of any kind, on all sides, alt-right and antifa alike. (You know what the exact opposite of such nonsense is? Taking a knee during the national anthem.)
- Having to navigate my (almost) six-year-old black daughter through any and all of this crap. Welcome to the rest of my life, folks. I take this “take a knee” business quite personally because I am the white mother of a black daughter. I am privileged based solely on the color of my skin. My daughter is disadvantaged based solely on the color of her skin. While it doesn’t mean there’s no hope—I will never surrender hope that we as a nation can and will be better and do better when it comes to people of color—there is no way to sugar coat that sickening fact.
- Foie gras, bumper stickers depicting the state of Michigan holding a handgun, initial-capping common nouns, mainstream country music that directly or indirectly references boot-scootin’ anything, describing weather as “crisp,” stink bugs, playing or even briefly contemplating playing the board game Monopoly, selfies, your husband flossing his teeth in front of you, the expression “holla,” those ridiculous ankle boots that seem to be super popular, regular-sized automobiles for regular-life use suspended on monster tires and ... blogs that are too damn serious.
