1.
Cross stitch. Because your mom could always use new potholders.
2.
Line up the tequila shots. When one candidate says CHINA or HUGE or LAW AND ORDER, and the other candidate says something backed by lifelong experience and/or facts, do a shot. Wait, on second thought, DON’T do that. You’ll be soused in five minutes flat. To numb your pain and suffering, consider preparing a large batch of margaritas instead. (Note: for added STAMINA, I recommend on the rocks.)
Line up the tequila shots. When one candidate says CHINA or HUGE or LAW AND ORDER, and the other candidate says something backed by lifelong experience and/or facts, do a shot. Wait, on second thought, DON’T do that. You’ll be soused in five minutes flat. To numb your pain and suffering, consider preparing a large batch of margaritas instead. (Note: for added STAMINA, I recommend on the rocks.)
3.
Create and play a game based on the suppression of yawning.
Create and play a game based on the suppression of yawning.
4.
Practice your best roundhouse. Be sure your children are safe in bed and your television isn’t within striking distance.
Practice your best roundhouse. Be sure your children are safe in bed and your television isn’t within striking distance.
5.
Make love, not war. If possible, DO NOT do it in front of the TV screen or any other viewing device, as no matter who you’re rooting for, watching presidential debates can leave you feeling flaccid.
Make love, not war. If possible, DO NOT do it in front of the TV screen or any other viewing device, as no matter who you’re rooting for, watching presidential debates can leave you feeling flaccid.
7.
Text a loved one using only emojis. Think outside of the box. (No “thumbs up” or “smiley face.”)
Text a loved one using only emojis. Think outside of the box. (No “thumbs up” or “smiley face.”)
8.
Go for a brisk, short walk around your neighborhood. Pay no mind to the political signage adorning the formulaic green lawns.
Go for a brisk, short walk around your neighborhood. Pay no mind to the political signage adorning the formulaic green lawns.
9.
Pet your cat or dog. It will make you stronger, not to mention lower your blood pressure. (If you don’t have a cat or dog, what the hell is WRONG with you?)
Pet your cat or dog. It will make you stronger, not to mention lower your blood pressure. (If you don’t have a cat or dog, what the hell is WRONG with you?)
10.
Debate the advantages and disadvantages of fondue with your spouse. (If you don’t have a spouse, there’s absolutely nothing WRONG with you. Debate with your life partner or with the goldfish you coincidentally named Donald.)
Debate the advantages and disadvantages of fondue with your spouse. (If you don’t have a spouse, there’s absolutely nothing WRONG with you. Debate with your life partner or with the goldfish you coincidentally named Donald.)
11.
Channel surf. Decide which network makes the one candidate look the most orange and the other candidate look the most dignified.
Channel surf. Decide which network makes the one candidate look the most orange and the other candidate look the most dignified.
12.
Take a short break. Watch something else, as long as it isn’t Calliou. (Thirteen minutes of the last episode of Law & Order might be just what the doctor ordered.)
Take a short break. Watch something else, as long as it isn’t Calliou. (Thirteen minutes of the last episode of Law & Order might be just what the doctor ordered.)
13.
Because the world is on the verge of going to hell in a hand-basket and nobody seems to give a hoot, fold every last pair of the underwear waiting to be rescued from your dryer.
Because the world is on the verge of going to hell in a hand-basket and nobody seems to give a hoot, fold every last pair of the underwear waiting to be rescued from your dryer.
15.
Try to recall what you were doing and what your life was like during the last presidential debate. Not the one a couple of weeks ago, but any of the ones held in 1992. (If you weren’t among the living, reflect on your youth. Size up your current hopes and dreams.)
Try to recall what you were doing and what your life was like during the last presidential debate. Not the one a couple of weeks ago, but any of the ones held in 1992. (If you weren’t among the living, reflect on your youth. Size up your current hopes and dreams.)
16.
Yawn with reckless abandon!
Yawn with reckless abandon!
17.
Build a wall out of your son or daughter’s Duplos, or the Ramen packages you can’t for the life of you figure out why you stockpiled in your pantry.
Build a wall out of your son or daughter’s Duplos, or the Ramen packages you can’t for the life of you figure out why you stockpiled in your pantry.
18.
Research the pros and cons of asbestos removal.
19.
Eat an apple. Apples can help you have whiter teeth, avoid Alzheimer’s, ward off Parkinson’s, reduce your risk of certain cancers, decrease the chances you’ll get diabetes, prevent gallstones, improve your heart health, beat diarrhea or constipation, shed pounds and foil hemorrhoids. Watching a presidential debate, in turn, is like the seventh-leading cause of death. (Note: There isn’t a shred of evidence to back the latter claim. Facts, however, are often so immaterial. Whatever you feel in your gut is what counts.)
Eat an apple. Apples can help you have whiter teeth, avoid Alzheimer’s, ward off Parkinson’s, reduce your risk of certain cancers, decrease the chances you’ll get diabetes, prevent gallstones, improve your heart health, beat diarrhea or constipation, shed pounds and foil hemorrhoids. Watching a presidential debate, in turn, is like the seventh-leading cause of death. (Note: There isn’t a shred of evidence to back the latter claim. Facts, however, are often so immaterial. Whatever you feel in your gut is what counts.)
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